Courtney's Breastfeeding Journey
Our story this week comes from Courtney, who overcame many obstacles in her breastfeeding journey. From complications in pregnancy to food allergies while nursing, Courtney worked hard to do what was best for her son in every circumstance.
I wouldn’t say my pregnancy was perfect, but I loved every bit of it. I battled morning sickness for three months, a weird skin sensation that turned into a multitude of tests (by the way, it was just crazy pregnancy hormones), and high blood pressure with upper right rib pain for two months (this led to a few non-stress tests in my third trimester). The rib pain was excruciating. I couldn’t sit comfortably, I couldn’t stand comfortably, I couldn’t drive comfortably – I felt like I was being ripped apart (yet, I still enjoyed being pregnant). My doctor told me my ribs were most likely bruised and the cartilage was pulling away, but Bodhi was growing and healthy. That is all that mattered to me.
Jump to my 38-week check-up (the ONLY one I didn’t have my husband attend because the previous appointment was uneventful), I found out I’d be medically induced (THAT NIGHT!). My blood pressure was 140/100 and the rib pain was a concern for liver issues. Thank God my mother was there because I was in panic mode. I’m a naturally anxious person and once you throw a curveball into the mix it sends me into overdrive. I was not prepared (a cliché, I know).
Fast forward to the night of August 22nd, 2017 (which was the night after the solar eclipse – it makes me think the universe wanted Bodhi here a couple weeks earlier), I am given medicine and hooked up to an IV to start the induction process. In extreme pain, my stubborn self gives into the epidural to find out a couple hours later I was experiencing a unilateral epidural failure which caused my right side to go completely numb, while my left side felt EVERYTHING. I was miserable. My husband fed me ice chips while my mom rubbed my back for three hours straight. Back labor is no joke. At 3:28pm on August 23rd, 2017, Bodhi was born – a perfectly healthy and beautiful baby boy. The next two hours were pure bliss. I was exhausted, but wide awake. It was completely euphoric, and I’ll never forget our first look and our first latch.
Since conception of my son, I knew I’d breastfeed. I couldn’t imagine not breastfeeding. I didn’t put much thought into it pre-baby because I saw it as a natural act – you conceive your baby, you birth your baby, and you breastfeed your baby (obviously, I’m cutting out all the drama along the way). However, what I didn’t know was how absolutely exhausting, time-consuming, emotionally, mentally, and physically demanding breastfeeding was (and still is). Bodhi latched beautifully. His first feed was about 45 minutes and it was magical. It was like a key fitting into a lock - we just clicked.
After our hospital stay, I didn’t sleep the entire first week (no exaggeration). I was sleep deprived to the utmost degree, anxious, and trying to prepare for my sister’s wedding a week later. I had twelve weeks of maternity leave and during those weeks I nursed Bodhi on demand every day and every night. It came naturally to us. It wasn’t until about 6 weeks old (halfway through leave) I noticed he was extremely fussy after feeds, his diapers weren’t normal, and his belly was distended. I made a doctor’s appointment and was told he might have a little colic. It didn’t sit well with me because the research I was doing (not counting mother’s intuition) told me he had a dairy intolerance. I scheduled a second appointment with a different doctor and was told my baby was in pain due to a dairy intolerance (cue the hysteria). I’m so grateful for that second opinion and proud of myself for going with my gut. I cut dairy out of my diet for about eighteen months, soy for sixteen, and egg for eight. It was difficult to say the least, but worth it. My baby was happy, healthy, and thriving.
Fast forward to nineteen months, Bodhi was diagnosed with FPIES (that’s a whole other story) to shellfish after an allergy appointment. We are so thankful he does not have an IgE-mediated allergy to the aforementioned foods. Bodhi was and still is a complete mama’s boy. We are attached – figuratively and literally most of the time. In the beginning of our nursing relationship, I thought something was wrong with my milk supply, his latch, or our positioning. I think most new breastfeeding mothers have concerns. It’s normal to worry. In fact, I think it shows the care and thought put into such a demanding process. The first few months I constantly thought I was doing “it” wrong. Why did my son want to be latched for what seemed like 24/7? Why did my son cry when he wasn’t sleeping with me? Why did my son not want a pacifier or bottle? Is my son getting enough milk? Is my let-down too fast or maybe it’s too slow? My mind raced with these questions until I spoke with a lactation counselor and Bodhi’s doctor. They both guided and encouraged me with their life’s examples and education. Bodhi was gaining weight, wetting enough diapers, and happy once we addressed the food intolerances.
Bodhi was and is completely normal. On the other hand, I was not okay. I had postpartum anxiety (PPA) and postpartum depression PPD. I cried and worried constantly. The baby blues stuck around a bit longer than normal. I was completely in love with my son but dropping the ball in self-care and duties at home. That was my PPD. I was completely in awe with my son and his developments, but worried about every type of ailment or disease that could take over his life. That was my PPA. At five weeks postpartum, my OB prescribed me anxiety medication (I had taken these pre-Bodhi). I wanted to treat it naturally, but I needed more help. I’m thankful for modern medicine, doctors, and lactation counselors who helped me along my journey. In fact, I started courses to become a Lactation Counselor as I wish to help other moms deal with the many struggles that come with breastfeeding as well as the triumphs. I learned while nursing my son that it is the most demanding work I’ll do, but also the most rewarding.
Jump forward two and a half years, Bodhi and I continue to nurse. I believe in natural-term weaning. If it works for Bodhi and me, we will continue. The healthy attachment we have shows in our everyday lives and I hope it continues as he grows up and is finished nursing. He’s the light of my life and I’m so blessed to be able to continue nourishing him in the physical and emotional sense.
This is just a glimpse into our 2.5-year nursing relationship. I hope you enjoyed it!
What do you think about Courtney’s story? We think she’s done an amazing job at providing for Bodhi! Thanks for sharing Courtney!
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