Katie's Breastfeeding Story
This week’s story comes from Katie. She had a tough beginning and had to work hard with a lactation consultant, but she pushed through to have a sweet experience with her son.
My name is Katie and I work in an emergency room on the central coast of California. My son was actually a “whoopsie” baby because I had been told by my Gynecologist that it would be very hard for me to have children naturally due to the fact that I have PCOS. Then, just 2 months before my now husband and I were set to get married, I was at work and realized I was supposed to start my meds the next day that initiated a period. Before I did that, I was told to take a pregnancy test every time. I took one from work, like I always did, and expected it to be negative, like it always was, but not this time. This time, in the middle of a 12 hour shift, there were two lines where there used to be only one!
Fast forward, and I was in my last trimester of pregnancy and I was beyond uncomfortable. Around 35 weeks, I started to have the worst back pain I had ever encountered and it came in waves. I took to google to find it was mostly likely something called “prodromal labor.” It is the same intensity as regular labor, but does nothing to progress your body along. This went on for almost a week, and on the 5 th day, I had an OB appointment scheduled and I was ready to tell my OB to pull that sucker out! The morning of my OB appointment, I had been up all night due to severe back pain and finally my husband came to me and said we should go to the hospital to, at the very least, be checked. At the time, I was only 36 weeks, and knew I couldn’t be in REAL labor?! I had been told all new moms go past the due date and much more. I was convinced I was not in actual labor and didn’t want to suffer the embarrassment of a “false alarm.” Not to mention my husband had an appointment to get new tires on his car that day before my OB appointment. We timed my contractions and they did not get closer together but the OB office said to go in anyways because my back hurt so badly. The whole ride in the car, I was as uncomfortable as I could possibly be sitting on my behind with my back tensing every few minutes. We got to the hospital around 9:00am and a coworker of mine actually wheeled me back to OB spouting words of encouragement the whole way. I changed into the lovely powder blue labor gown and once again sprawled out on my back so that the nurse could check me and much to my surprise she told us I was 5cm, 90% effaced and that I would be having this baby today at 36w1d.
All I could think was that I was so glad I didn’t have to get back in the car. From there, the real fun began. Since I was so swollen, it took 5 nurses to establish an IV, all while I’m, again, laying on my back in agony. Once that was taken care of, I was fortunate enough to get a tub room and you can believe I was all about that! I went from 5cm to 8cm over the next 2 hours, most of that time I was allowed to labor in the tub. By this time, it’s about 12:30-1:00pm and my OB had come in to check me as well and see how we were doing. At 3:00pm, I was between 9-10cm, but I was also passing out during contractions due to the lack of sleep over the last week and the intense pain from having back labor. My OB made the call for an epidural because I couldn’t be passing out while trying to push. I received the epidural, but only enough to take the edge off the pain. In fact, once Ryker was born, shortly after I was able to get up and walk to the postpartum room. I took a small nap, enough to get some energy and by 3:30 I felt like I needed to “go”. The nurse assured me it was not time to push but when she checked, my son was already crowning! It was then a mad scramble to get my OB back in the room and somehow hold my son in until she got there! After a bit, I wasn’t even pushing anymore and contractions alone were forcing my son out. The nurse actually delivered my baby because my OB was caught in the elevator with another dr. in a rush to get to her laboring patient in time.
My son, Ryker Fredric Alexander, was born April 10th , 2019 at 3:50pm weighing 8lbs1oz and 20inches long. Little did I know, that was all the easy part. Over the next 24 hours, my son had his blood drawn and it was discovered that he had a very high bilirubin, probably from all his bruising due to the intense labor. This was only the start of our breastfeeding journey struggles. When a baby does photo light therapy for high bili levels, they may only be removed for feeding, about 30 minutes at a time. This didn’t allow for that skin to skin contact and since Ryker was born early, he didn’t latch at all. I spent the next 3 days in the hospital endlessly pumping and hand expressing everything I could into spoons and syringes to give to him in an effort to keep up his bowl movements to expel the broken red blood cells from his body. On April 13th , we were discharged home from the hospital with a pump that looked like a 1920’s piece of machinery with a piston weighing more than the baby. Since Ryker could not latch, I exclusively pumped. My typical day was to get up, pump, give pumped milk to the baby in a bottle, pump again, and save that milk for next feeding. Then at the next feeding, give him the previously pumped milk and then pump again for the next feeding. For weeks, day and night, I was constantly hooked up to the pump, constantly trying to get enough milk out to stay ahead of his feeding schedule and keep up with his growing demand. I tried everything from lactation cookies to shakes in order to boost my supply. Week after week, we went to lactation appointments and fought against the endless struggle to get Ryker to latch properly and take a full feeding. We tried all the nursing positions and all the “boob stuffing” techniques I could find, but we kept coming back, and every week that wasn’t THE week, the week we could be done with appointments, my heart sank even further. Emotionally, I was not in a good place, and it got worse every time I was told “it didn’t happen today” and I had to continue to be a slave to the breast pump. However, by week 9 of lactation appointments, Ryker took a full feeding from just nursing and we finally graduated from lactation consulting! Over the next few months, I often struggled with being the only “usable” parent. I was all that soothed him and sustained him nutrient wise, the only one to get up 3-4x a night to nurse him back to sleep. I was the only one he wanted when he was overtired and downright cranky. I was who he needed when he was in a growth spurt and his tummy was rumbling every 15 minutes. I was a pacifier, a means for food, a pillow, a jungle gym, a good place to nap, and so much more. Looking at it now, it would be the greatest accomplishment of my life. Unfortunately, close to 6 months, we received a very difficult diagnosis that our baby boy could have retinoblastoma, this was just before I was meant to return to work as well.
Over the next 24 hours, we drove to Children’s Hospital in LA, we were seen by the head of the children’s ocular oncology department, and he reassured us it was not cancer, however, he was unsure of what it was exactly. The following week we had to go back so that Ryker could be put under anesthesia and have his eye examined more thoroughly. He was not allowed to eat beforehand and ended up going close to 10 hours without nursing. Needless to say, when he was placed in my arms again after the procedure all I wanted to do was nurse him. All I wanted was to comfort my sweet baby boy, to do what I could do to reassure him he was safe once again in my arms. Unfortunately, the stress of the extreme medical possibility, coupled with the struggle of working overnights in an ER, maintaining a supply and a pumping schedule, lead to my supply plummeting and ultimately drying up. Once again I felt as though I had failed him, that I was inadequate. Fortunately, we had taken family pictures a few weeks before and I insisted some of the photos were of Ryker breastfeeding. I remember in those moments feeling so connected to him. I was able to provide for him in a way no one else could and I feel that, ultimately, those feelings are what pulled me from that dark emotional place. I always knew that when he looked up into my eyes and I looked down into his, those moments were ours. Breastfeeding was love beyond words, it was struggle beyond belief, but it was a bond I was determined to share with my son. Even though it was cut short due to unforeseen circumstances, it is something I will truly cherish for the rest of my life.
What do you think about Katie’s story? We love that Katie didn’t give up, even when it seemed like there wasn’t an end! She did what was best for her baby!
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