Sex and Breastfeeding -- YUP, we're going there.

True story: Six years ago I hosted a special Valentine’s Day La Leche League meeting called “Sex and Breastfeeding”... and I wore this sperm and egg dress.  

Somewhere in the last six years I’ve lost the ability to wear anything but black shirts and black pants.  Not goth or emo… just because it makes dressing myself very easy and I don’t have to utilize my brain power for wardrobe decision making. 

I’ve spent a lot of Valentine’s Days breastfeeding over the years, and I can tell you one thing for sure.  Being a breastfeeding mother can have a serious impact on your physical intimacy with your partner!  So I’ve put together this list of ways that breastfeeding affects your sex life.  You know, in case you’re in that same boat.  And especially if you want to…. *cough* celebrate tonight.

One thing to note before we get started:  these are all so widely varied between mothers and couples!  One thing can be the case for me and my husband, and even though it’s the polar opposite for you and yours, *both* can be normal.  Give yourself grace, remember that this is a phase (even if it doesn’t feel like it will ever end), and don’t forget to nurture your relationship with your spouse when you can.

You’re touched out. 

You have a little person (or two or three or more) attached to you all day.  Pulling on your clothes.  Probably pulling your hair.  Snuggling you.  Asking you to hold them.  AND there's breastfeeding. A baby/toddler is literally suckling at your breasts… ALL. DAY. LONG.  The overstimulation of physical touch is *normal*.  And not to mention, you are probably EXHAUSTED.  I remember days where I would finally get to the end of the day and my baby would be asleep and I knew that I only had a few hours until they were awake again to nurse… and the literal last thing on my mind was sex.  HA!  Repeat after me: it’s just a phase.  It’s just a phase.  It’s just a phase…

Decreased Sex Drive

Those stinking hormones.  Not just after giving birth, but for the duration of your breastfeeding experience, you’ll have hormone fluctuations that can impact your libido. High prolactin levels (responsible for stimulating milk production) can dampen estrogen levels, and in turn, sex drive.  THIS IS NORMAL.  Sharing this info with your partner may help, so that you’re on the same page.  This is a *phase*, and as your baby begins eating more solid food, and/or as you begin weaning in the future, your hormone levels will find their baseline again eventually.

Milk Release During Sex

SAY WHAT?!  If this has happened to you, you might be like “WTF!?”.  But it’s actually super common and normal (and it’s also normal if it doesn’t happen, so don’t freak out!). More hormone stuff!  When you have an orgasm, you release oxytocin, and when you release oxytocin, it can trigger a letdown.  

Breast/Nipple Stimulation During Sex

This is another thing that is so different for every woman/couple!  If your breasts are stimulated during intimacy, “it” may happen.  Yes, “it” being a letdown.  If you have engorgement, or are going through a nursing transition, clogged duct, or anything like that, you may have pain when your nipples/breasts  are stimulated.  In which case, just forgo the breasts altogether and focus on the other areas :) If they have to be out-of-bounds for now, it will make it all the more exciting when they are fair game again! 

Vaginal Dryness

Believe it or not, this can be related to breastfeeding. And believe it or not, it’s all about hormones again.  That lack of estrogen (and subsequent lack of ovulation and cycling) can decrease natural vaginal lubrication.  Drink lots of water and use a lubricant when necessary to prevent painful sex!

What are some other ways that being a breastfeeding mom or a mom of young kids can affect your sex life?  Share in the comments!  And whether you’ll be celebrating between the sheets tonight or not, here’s a discount code to celebrate Valentine’s Day with a new piece of breastmilk jewelry… or if your spouse forgot to buy you something and now owes you one 😉

One last thing:  if you don’t have a spouse this Valentine’s Day, I’m sending you a virtual hug. You are loved <3