Why You Need a Tribe (and how to build one)
Whether you're an expecting mom, a brand new mom, or a seasoned veteran mom, there is one thing that rings true - and if you haven’t already recognized, you likely will very soon. You need other people (and more specifically other moms) in your life! You need a community around you, a “tribe” if you will, to encourage you, uplift you, and help you along the way. Motherhood is hard and because each child is so different, there isn’t a “one size fits all” approach. Having a tribe helps you navigate the journey that is motherhood (and life) with more confidence and more tools in your belt than simply going it alone!
(As much as I feel like “mom’s taxi service”, I DO enjoy watching him play!)
I’ve learned from my own personal experiences that I NEED other people in my life. I am currently a stay-at-home mom going on 11 years. I have three children (the youngest is now 4) and I am their primary caregiver. This means that for the past 11 years I have stared at the inside of my home day in and day out, my kids are my main source of daily conversation, and as my boys are getting older, the term “soccer mom” is becoming more and more relevant in my life, playing “taxi” as I drive them to practices and games. I remember the first year after my oldest was born how isolated and lonely I often felt. Don’t get me wrong! I love my children and I cherish this time I have with them, but by the time my husband gets home, I find myself starving for some adult conversation!
It’s taken me years to figure it out, but I finally understand (or at least I’m beginning to understand) the importance of building my tribe! We need someone we can call when we have a bad day who can encourage us and remind us that we are doing a great job and one bad day (or bad week) doesn’t mean we’re a terrible mom! We need that friend in our life who we can sit and talk with about how hard this mom thing can be, because it’s freaking hard! We are raising tiny humans in a crazy, insane world that is constantly changing and the way our own mothers raised us doesn’t always apply.
So how do you build your tribe? How do you find other mom friends?
Some of us are lucky and have friends from high school or college that live close enough to keep contact with and get together for coffee and/or play dates, but if you’re like me and have moved halfway across the country, you find yourself starting from scratch. While I was able to gain friends before having kids, those friends were all in different stages of life and I struggled to maintain most of those friendships after having kids. Some of that was due to broken ideas in my life from previous experiences (that I have since worked on) and some of it was my personality (I’m not much of an extrovert), but I have learned that I NEED friends and while it’s not easy, it’s worth taking the time to try and find them and make time for that investment. If you’re not sure where to start, here are some ideas:
Search for a local MOPs (Moms of Preschoolers) Group
After my third, a friend invited me to a local MOPs group. I really enjoyed this because there were moms in all stages of parenthood and there was so much wisdom between all the ladies I could glean from! This is great for an introvert because while it may be hard to get yourself in the door with all the new faces, these ladies are very welcoming, kind, and caring, meaning less pressure on you to make the “first move”.
See if your local YMCA offers a program you and your child(ren) can attend
Our local Y has an Early Learners Program for birth - age 5 (as well as some other programs) that are open to the community. This is a great place to meet local moms!
Go to a local park, playground, or zoo
I’ve met a few friends just taking my kids to the park or zoo. This one can be a little more tricky because you have to put yourself out there and be vulnerable, but in my experience, other moms are often so starved for the same socialization as we are that they are happy to carry on a conversation while the kids play. If my kids hit it off, I try to exchange numbers and set up another public playdate or activity we can get together.
Your local library
Many libraries offer children’s programs. Swing by and grab a calendar and pick some events your kids may be interested in. Chances are, you’ll find other moms there with similar aged kids (double win!).
If your child is school ages, volunteer to help in the classroom
This was easier when I just had the boys, but helping in their classrooms was a great way to meet other moms. I chaperoned field trips, helped with field day, helped with the bookfair - whatever I could (as my availability allowed). Not only did I get to spend more time with my kids while they were at school, but I got to meet other moms who were also volunteering. Now that we homeschool, I have found some local homeschool activities where I have met other homeschool moms.
Facebook/Social Media
For those who are more introverted, this is a great way to meet new people! While you should likely meet face-to-face in a public area, Facebook offers lots of groups with a simple search!
I know how simple these seem, but practically speaking, it isn’t always the easiest thing to get the kids dressed and ready and out the door, especially for the introvert who may struggle to find the motivation to put herself out there! It often feels like the hassle of piling in the car and just getting there isn’t worth it, but I promise - IT IS! You need it and your kids need it. It does take effort in getting there as well as effort in finding the time to get together, but YOU NEED IT!
Once you build your tribe, you need to make sure you invest in it. Whether it’s meeting at a local coffee shop and laughing over a latte and scone, or another park adventure where the kids run the playground - invest in those relationships! The dishes and laundry can wait a little longer, I promise! It doesn’t have to be daily, or even weekly, but don’t let too much time go by without at least a little interaction with another mom (or a group of moms).
Finding your tribe takes effort and building it (investing in it) does as well, but it’s so necessary - not just for moms, but for humans in general. Having friends I can be open and honest with in hard times helps keep me from feeling so overwhelmed and alone. Knowing that I am not navigating this motherhood journey alone gives me hope. While it didn’t happen overnight and some of those people have come and gone as the years go by, my tribe is the best group of women that love me for me, see me at my worst and don’t hold judgement over me when I screw up or make a dumb decision, bring me coffee and a cookie when I have a bad day, laugh with me on the good days, celebrate with me when my kids do awesome things, and cheer me on in life! They’re my people. They're my tribe!
Terri - General Manager at Milk + Honey Jewelry
Have you found your tribe? What have you found that works for you? Comment below and share some of your thoughts and ideas! We’d love to hear from you!
Here are some more blogs on to help you find your tribe:
Finding Your ‘Tribe’: How to Make Friends in Adulthood - GoodTherapy
How to Find Your Tribe - Wanderlust
Finding Your People—and Why They Might Surprise You - Goop
4 Introvert-Friendly Ideas to Find Your Mom Tribe - Introvert, Dear
For those who like facts, I did some research and I came across hundreds of articles expressing the need (yes - NEED) for human interaction, but especially for “socialization” - having conversations and interactions with other adults. Each of these articles expresses how socialization improves brain activity, lowers stress levels, builds your immune system, and so many other benefits! One article that I found particularly interesting states:
“Face-to-face contact releases a whole cascade of neurotransmitters and, like a vaccine, they protect you now, in the present, and well into the future, so simply […] shaking hands, giving somebody a high-five is enough to release oxytocin, which increases your level of trust, and it lowers your cortisol levels, so it lowers your stress.” - Susan Pinker [What are the health benefits of being social? - Medical News Today]
Here is some more information on the importance of socialization (in adults):
The Health Benefits of Socializing - SocialPro
Benefits of being socially connected - Mayo Clinic
7 Ways Social Matters For The Future Of Work - Forbes
The Health Benefits of Socializing - Psychology Today
How Socialization Affects Your Overall Mental Health - Bella Vista Health Center