Our story this week comes from Morgan. Morgan had some real struggles, but pushed through.

My name is Morgan and I am a mama to two beautiful daughters. I'm also a wife, educator and friend. While I'm still in the thick of my second breastfeeding adventure (and breastfeeding truly is an adventure!), I've learned so much about my children and myself. My two journeys have been very different - each with its own hills and valleys - but both have been nothing short of amazing. Mama, our bodies are so strong. I hope my story gives you strength and inspiration for the days ahead.

The start of my breastfeeding journey might sound familiar - I was "that mama" as soon as I got those two pink lines in September 2018. I became an information fanatic! I read everything I could get my hands on about pregnancy, labor and delivery, and breastfeeding. I took all the classes and read all the books. I resolutely told my husband that I would be breastfeeding our baby. I knew I wanted to do everything in my power to breastfeed my baby. After an easy pregnancy, I gave birth to an 8lb 1oz baby girl, Lillian, in May 2019. I swear she was born hungry because she latched right away. I had some minor discomfort as I adapted to feeding my daughter but nothing remarkable. I knew I'd have to return to work in 12 weeks so I began pumping around 4 weeks to create a freezer stash and maintain a strong supply, knowing that the stress of going back to work could tank the supply I had worked so hard to build. My daughter loved to nurse and was gaining weight at a great rate. I was so proud of us! I transitioned back to work and left my heart with my own sweet Mama each day. Things were going so well! We'd hit our stride, I was producing what my baby needed, and she was growing. I figured it would be super smooth sailing until we decided to wean. Oh, how wrong I was.

At four and a half months postpartum, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. It was absolutely crippling. I can remember coming home from work, sitting in the recliner with my daughter latched to me, and crying for hours until my husband got home from work. I was prescribed medication then taken out of work at five and a half months postpartum to focus on attending counseling and taking care of my baby. I went back to work in January 2020 after being home for eight weeks. I wasn't completely better but was well on my way thanks to the support of my husband, family and friends, OB, and therapist. (Mama, if you're reading this and think you're experiencing postpartum depression and/or anxiety, please ask for help. I promise you're not alone.) If I'm being honest, breastfeeding sustained me during this very dark time in my life. The connection I had with my daughter made me want to get better - for both of us.

In March 2020, I found myself at home with my baby thanks to the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic. Working from home allowed me to continue breastfeeding my sweet girl and wean from pumping. My only expectation was to breastfeed until my daughter was one year old. Since things were going so well when she turned one, I set my sights on two years. Just before my daughter's second birthday, I became pregnant with our second baby. We still continued to nurse but I was very sick during my second pregnancy - it was nothing like my first! We made it to 27 months. At that point, my body couldn't handle the stress of nursing, being pregnant, and sustaining itself. I stopped producing and my daughter weaned herself. I was so emotional about it because weaning at that time felt like it wasn't my choice. My sweet husband had jewelry made by Milk & Honey to commemorate those 27 amazing months since he knew how much our journey meant to me. Once I came to terms with the fact that our time was over, I began thinking about breastfeeding our second baby. Surely the second time around would be just as easy, right?

Oh man. Y'all. I was so, so wrong.

My second daughter, Eleanor, roared into the world 11 weeks ago, in December 2021, at 38 weeks. She was 7lbs 13oz but a petite little thing who struggled to latch properly. Our first few weeks were marked by cracked, bleeding nipples and latch struggles. I'm so thankful that she continued to grow and gain weight during this time. I was so scared her poor latch would derail our breastfeeding journey before it truly got started. Around four weeks postpartum, I noticed a clogged duct in my left breast. A little hot water and some massage later, I was clog free. I honestly thought clearing the clog would be the end of the issue and didn't think anything else of it. Until it came back with a vengeance after our entire family contracted COVID when I was five weeks postpartum. For my newborn, the symptoms were very mild except for her congestion. The congestion caused her to prefer nursing on my right side rather than my left. The clog came back and after seeing my (ridiculously wonderful) lactation consultant, I realized that I had mastitis.

My OB put me on antibiotics but when I didn't improve after three days and my symptoms got worse, I had an ultrasound that confirmed what I was afraid of - the infection turned into an abscess. I was referred to a surgeon but couldn't be seen for two weeks. In that two week period, I had an ultrasound-guided needle aspiration as well as a manual drainage of the abscess because it kept filling up after being drained. It turns out the infection was MRSA+ and didn't respond to the initial antibiotic. Thankfully, I had already been switched to the right antibiotic. I saw the surgeon on a Monday and after an exam, we decided that surgical incision and drainage was our best bet for being sure the infection was totally removed. She put me on her schedule for the next day. I have to admit, being put under for surgery just hits different when you have two babies at home - I was terrified. Surgery went very well. The cavity of infection that had to be cleared was approximately 6cm in diameter. This left a wound on my breast filled with antibiotic packing that had to be changed daily and re-dressed for a week. It was SO painful and I still had to latch my squirmy newborn to that side.

I breastfed and pumped through the entire ordeal. The most important thing during my recovery was applying pressure to my wound to avoid a milk fistula - which I did! My supply took a slight hit and I have some work to do to completely rebuild my supply. The wound has healed beautifully (though I still have a ways to go) and I’m so grateful that our journey didn’t come to an end. I had so many supportive people who encouraged me to continue to feed my baby, even when I didn't think I could do it anymore.

I can’t wait to tell my daughters about their patience & resilience as we navigated these waters together. I am so proud of them and the strength they have shown, even as babies. I am proud of myself and so grateful for the amazing body I have that kept going and producing milk for my babies, even during times of stress (both emotional and physical). Breastfeeding is the most difficult, rewarding, beautiful thing I have ever done. I'm so thankful for my girls. They taught me to give myself grace, appreciate the body I have, and have shown me just how strong I really am. I hope that the connection we've forged through breastfeeding has helped accomplish my only ambition in life - to help them truly understand the depth of my love.

If you or someone you know struggles with postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety, please get help! There are number of online resources, but talking to your doctor, your partner, your friends, your family - ANYONE you love and trust can be beneficial in getting you the help you need.

What do you think about Morgan’s story? We think she did an amazing job of finding help! Thanks for sharing Morgan!

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