Brittany's Beautiful Breastfeeding Journey
This week, we are sharing the story of one of our customer’s, Brittany. Brittany shared her beautiful story of breastfeeding her three children - each so very different. Heads up - you’re going to want to grab some tissues.
Breastfeeding has always been one of my number one goals with all of my children. I am a huge advocate for doing whatever is best for your situation, but as long as I could produce milk I would try to breastfeed my children as long as I could. My journey with breastfeeding and parenting has been a wild roller coaster.
When I became pregnant with my oldest I was so excited for her arrival. I had her room set up by 28 weeks and I had my breast pump and boppy ready for the hospital to support my breastfeeding needs. She made her arrival late in the evening on Labor Day of 2015. It was a beautiful birth and my midwife allowed me to pull her out which was a magical moment. I was thankful that there were lactation consultants helping me through my breastfeeding journey.
My little girl was having issues latching so I was pumping and we would syringe feed her after each feed. I didn’t realize that the pumping was causing severe oversupply. Once the oversupply had begun so did the hard spots on my breast. My sister who is a nurse thankfully was over and told me they were clogged ducts. We managed to get most out over the next few days but a golf sized spot was left and not budging. My OB decided to send me to the breast specialist for an ultrasound. At this point, I was spiraling that I had breast cancer and would not be able to see my 5 week old grow up.
Thankfully, during my first ultrasound, they found that it wasn’t a huge concern and I could continue to breastfeed. However, I would need to come in for monthly ultrasounds to ensure it wasn’t growing. Months went on with good ultrasounds and my girl and I became champions at breastfeeding. I loved that we were able to breastfeed so easily after such a difficult start. Then when my girl was nine months old my ultrasound came back a little off. I was told to stop breastfeeding so that they could biopsy the mass to ensure it was benign. After that appointment I was a mess. We came home and I sat breastfeeding my girl while crying knowing that this was the end of our breastfeeding journey. We had to wait a few weeks after I weaned to have my biopsy, but finally the day came. A week after the biopsy my results came in that the mass was benign and thought to be a fibroadenoma.
Every six months I would still need to meet with my breast specialist to ensure that the mass wasn’t becoming worrisome but overall the concerns were gone. The next appointment though, I told my specialist that I was pregnant and due in July 2017. She congratulated me and told me I could breastfeed my baby as long as I wanted but afterwards she would like for me to have a lumpectomy.
My pregnancy with my second baby was a difficult pregnancy. At seven weeks I started bleeding and initially thought I was miscarrying but instead I had a very large subchorionic hematoma. For weeks we had weekly scans to make sure I hadn’t miscarried. Finally, we got to 12 weeks and the doctors became less concerned about miscarriage. Due to so many scans we were able to find out the sex at a 14 week scan when the tech said, “well girls don’t have that part.” We were so excited about our little boy and couldn’t wait for his arrival in July.
Then the cold morning on St. Patrick’s Day 2017 I went in for my early morning 24 week appointment to find out my boy was in distress. I was immediately sent to the hospital where they found that I was actively having a placental abruption. Immediately, a code was called through the hospital and the nurses were running down the hallway with me as I told a nurse my code for my phone to contact my husband.
A bit later, I woke up to the tapping of a keyboard and saw my husband to my left with his face in his hands. I asked about Ezra and my husband and the nurse to my right told me that he was in the NICU and that a doctor would be over to talk to us. Finally, after talking we were able to see our sweet little boy. He was so small but I could tell he got his father’s need for lightening moods when he peed on a nurse. Our boy was 12.4 inches long and 15 ounces, but he was a huge fighter and the luckiest little boy to be alive. We were told that without that early morning appointment he would have been stillborn in a few hours and my life would have become at risk as well.
Navigating the NICU was a huge adjustment. We were told it would be a roller coaster ride and good news and bad news would come along the way. I started trying to produce milk as soon as I could because I knew it would be a huge help for Ezra since he was a micro preemie. Thankfully, my body knew exactly what to do and started producing milk right away. I would pump and bring the milk each time I visited my boy. His nurse would brag about his milk supply to the other nurses. I was even able to participate and give one of his oral swab feeds (milk given on a swab to help preemie babies to learn how to suck the milk). He was a champion and his little expressive eyebrows would go up as his mouth opened when he knew the milk swab was there.
We were in the hospital for two days and the shock was finally wearing off and I was setting into reality. That morning I couldn’t sleep and sat with Ezra from 1:30 AM to 7 AM when nurse transitions were beginning. I went to my room to pump when I got the dreadful call. My boy wasn’t doing well and I needed to go to the NICU right away. As I got into the NICU I saw at least 6 nurses and doctors surrounding Ezra. Then the worst case scenario happened when the doctor came out and gave me those dreaded words, “I’m so sorry, there isn’t anything else we can do for him.”
I finally got to hold my little boy on my chest after he died. As soon as we were fully connected with one another my milk completely came in. I was so saddened that even though my brain knew he was gone, my body felt the weight of a baby that needed milk. The next few days were a blur. I pumped to ensure I wouldn’t get mastitis but I just wanted my body to stop trying to make milk for my baby who died. Thankfully, I remembered a nurse that suggested donating my breastmilk to a milk bank. I finally felt that I could make a good thing out of the worst case scenario to help other babies like Ezra. I pumped for a few weeks and was able to produce over 400 ounces to donate. When the day came to donate the milk I was so nervous. When I got to FedEx they told me it was a 26lb box which just was bittersweet knowing that Ezra would help so many little babies with his milk. I did keep 2 ounces of milk for a piece of jewelry one day when I was ready.
Thankfully, during my breastfeeding/pumping journey with Ezra my lump didn’t flare up. Although, I knew since I was no longer pregnant or pumping that I needed to contact my breast specialist to schedule my lumpectomy. The day came that I would need to go in for surgery and I was overwhelmed with the thought of going back into an OR from Ezra’s traumatic birth. The surgery went great and other than a small scar there is nothing left. After testing it was confirmed completely that the mass was a fibroadenoma and was most likely there most of my life but flared up with pregnancy hormones.
Due to my C-section being a classical cut my doctors didn’t want me to become pregnant for at least 18 months. A month before my son’s would be 2nd birthday I found out I was pregnant. We were overwhelmed with joy but also worried that this little one wouldn’t stay earth side with us. It was a rollercoaster ride of emotions during my 37 weeks of pregnancy but on a beautiful October day in 2019, our rainbow baby girl was born via scheduled c-section. I was filled with such bittersweet moments when my little girl was born. She looked so much like her big brother and even today she has lighter features like he did.
Breastfeeding my youngest wasn’t an easy journey though. She was very tiny and she wouldn’t latch to the breast. At five days old she ended up being hospitalized in the pediatrics department due to weight loss (she couldn’t be admitted to the NICU because she was considered “dirty”). Thankfully, in the hospital I had much support from nutritionists, lactation consultants, nurses, and doctors. My little girl ended up needing an NG tube for feeds and I would pump milk for her. Eventually, we needed to have a half breastmilk/formula blend and that sat better with her. As I noticed she did better with formula we ended up switching fully for a few feeds and she kept it down so much better. Although I was devastated that as quick as our breastfeeding journey started it ended, I was thankful that she was gaining weight with formula.
Being able to give all three of my children breastmilk in different capacities has been an honor and I love that I was able to do at least a bit with each of my children. Ezra’s milk was finally made into jewelry this year after 5 years, 2 moves, and many breastmilk jewelry searches. I wear Ezra’s breastmilk necklace all the time so that a piece of him is always with us.
