How Kaitlin Became An Exclusive Pumping Mom
Our story this week comes from Kaitlin. Kaitlin struggled with many of the concerns, fears, and obstacles we all do as nursing moms, and in the end, discovered what worked best for her and her baby girl!
As a little girl, I placed baby dolls on my flat chest, pretending I was nursing. My mother nursed me until sometime after my second birthday. There was no doubt in my mind that someday when I had a baby, I would nurse her as well. When I was pregnant with my May 2020 baby I did all the reading. I signed up for the class, which was scheduled in April of that year and ultimately cancelled due to COVID. I had some friends who had babies over that past year who had tried to nurse and had some challenges resulting in them quickly turning to formula. I had a lot of respect for these moms and was nervous I wouldn't succeed in my goal either. I mentioned my fears in passing to one of the nurses at my OBGYN’s office. She told me that it was “the most natural thing in the world, and if they failed at it, it’s because they never really wanted to do it in the first place”. I didn’t agree that my friends didn’t try hard enough per say...but if the nurse wasn’t concerned, why should I be?
And then my baby girl was born. She was beautiful and wonderful and latched right away. Not perfectly, but the nurses helped and got her to fix it time and time again. But by 24 hours later my nipples were raw, scabbed and bleeding. She would latch and I would cry from the pain. Which is saying something considering the shape my vagina was in. The night nurse came in and saw my struggles and said “have you considered formula?” I started sobbing even harder because I heard “why don’t you just feed formula instead of breastmilk?” Ultimately I let her have a couple of ounces until I could see the lactation consultant again when she came in the morning. I saw her three times in the hospital and ultimately they gave me a pump and suggested that I pump when I go home for just a couple of days so my nipples could heal.
I got home two days postpartum and had to figure out this breastpump I hadn’t studied...because I wasn’t supposed to need it yet. I hadn't been planning on dealing with it until I was nearing my return to work. But in light of the circumstances I quickly became acquainted with the machine and we bottle fed breast milk for days 2-8 of Ophelia’s life until I was healed and I got in to see a local lactation consultant. She was wonderful and dosed me with a bunch of hope and a nipple shield. We were back at it! A baby and her boob.
The next week we had some struggles and lots of mess with the nipple shield (if you know, you know) but we continued to nurse with it and did gradually wean. I was delighted that my baby was nursing, just as intended. The thing is though, we weren’t doing a great job. Many feedings were a struggle. Sometimes she popped on and off. Often she was overwhelmed by a forceful let down, causing her to choke and cry. She nursed a lot. I chalked it up to cluster feeding, but several weeks in after the baby tracking app showed me she had been on the breast once an hour for 21 consecutive hours...I knew things really weren’t right. I had read about ties but I had asked one of the many pediatricians we were shuffled amongst due to COVID and she said “she doesn’t have a tongue tie since she can stick her tongue out past her lips”. I had let the idea go for a while but I was paying more attention now, I noticed the “clicking” and even to my untrained eye, I could spot at least what appeared to be a lip tie.
At 8 weeks old we saw a pediatric dentist. Ophelia was diagnosed with “extremely restrictive” lip and tongue ties. The dentist showed me how when she pulled up her top lip it didn’t stretch very far, when in fact it should have been able to come up and cover her nostrils. She pulled her tongue up and showed me how it couldn’t reach the roof of her mouth. Weeks of mother’s intuition overshadowed by undereducated doctors proved correct. We had the procedure done to release the ties with a laser. It was quick and we tried to nurse right away after. She struggled, as had become the norm, but I was hopeful it would just take time to learn how her new mouth functioned. We went home, lubed my finger with coconut oil and did the prescribed stretches every few hours, including overnight, to keep the new open wounds from closing.
Two more weeks passed without improvement. She eventually started refusing the breast almost entirely and we wound up doing more pumping and bottle feeding. Things weren’t better and I didn’t know why. My heart was breaking and my last day of maternity leave at 11 weeks 6 days, we made one last trek to the pediatric dentist to see if perhaps the ties had reformed. They hadn’t. In fact, they were healed beautifully. My girl was telling me what I hadn’t been open to hearing. Nursing wasn’t for us. Nursing caused us tears, frustration and stress that neither of us needed. We were just surviving, not thriving. I can say now, that I was stubborn. I was selfish and unwilling to settle soon enough for what my baby really needed. The breast was just too difficult for her to master.
We are eight months postpartum now. Five months of exclusively pumping, and it has been the best choice I wish I would have made sooner. My supply has consistently exceeded what she drinks, allowing me to build a current freezer stash of over 1300 ounces. I went from 6 pumps per day including an overnight one, to 5 shortly after my return to work, and down to 4 pumps per day at 5 months postpartum. I am prepared to start dropping pumps at 11 months postpartum in order to start weaning as I will have more than enough to get her to a year with the help of frozen milk.
Exclusively pumping is not easy. Over these months I have spent between two and four hours each day setting up the pump, removing the milk, cleaning up, bottling, bagging and washing parts. I learned the pitcher method and started using a dedicated milk freezer. I purchased an additional pump for portability as well as the collection cups which unfortunately didn’t work for me. Amazon got my business for extra flanges, duckbills and storage bottles. I’ve worked through clogs including one monster one caused by a bleb that nearly caused me to quit. I’ve pumped in the car, at work, in a camper, around the fire, at the homes of friends and family. I could not have done all of this without the full support of an amazing partner, to whom I am extremely grateful.
When I was pregnant I could have never imagined our breastfeeding journey would lead where it has. I had no idea that one could exclusively pump and bottle feed. I’m not sure that if I had, anyone would have convinced me to try it. But out of desperation, need and love for my child, I continue to hook up every day and do what has become second nature. My baby is chunky, happy and doesn’t even have a concept of what boobs are for anymore. She is perfect, even if our path here hasn’t been.
-A grateful and humbled pumpalicious mama
Check out more from Kaitlin on her Instagram sight - The Fairy Pumpmother
What do you think about Kaitlin’s story? We think she’s done an amazing job of figuring out what works best for her and her baby! Thanks for sharing Kaitlin!
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