Lindsay's Story of Nursing Twins
After experiencing eight recurrent pregnancy losses over a seven year period, I was consumed with doubt that my body would ever be able to sustain and carry a baby to term, let alone be able to sustain and nourish them after birth through breastfeeding. When we discovered we were pregnant with twins in March 2020, these doubts grew even deeper. Against all odds, my pregnancy was wonderful and Shepherd and Eleanor were delivered at 37 weeks, full-term and perfectly healthy!
I am proud to say I have not only breastfed the twins for over six months now, but I have also been able to provide breast milk for three additional sweet babies through donating over 1000oz of breastmilk. It is surreal to reflect back on our breastfeeding journey. Seeing where we are today, one would never guess how difficult our breastfeeding journey has been. But our story is a story of hope, faith, love, courage, and determination.
We made the difficult decision to deliver the twins via c-section when labor unexpectedly stalled after nearly 36 hours. I had hoped and prayed to have a vaginal delivery throughout my entire pregnancy. I wanted to avoid the pain and the trauma of experiencing yet another emergency surgery and avoid reliving the memories of the times twice before that I had been wheeled into an operating room pregnant and then wheeled out with empty arms and a heart filled with grief. The fear of facing another surgery and losing one or both of my precious babies almost consumed me. But this time when I was wheeled out of that operating room, I had my arms literally full of miracle rainbow babies and a heart bursting with more love than I ever knew was possible. We learned during delivery that Shepherd’s umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck four times- something our doctors had never seen before. That c-section may have saved his life. Hearing my babies cry as they entered the world is still the most joyful sound I’ve ever heard.
I always hoped to latch immediately after delivery and breastfeed my babies right away. Because of the c-section and Shepherd’s umbilical cord, his oxygen was low and he needed a little help breathing after he was born. Gratefully, about an hour after they were born I was able to latch them both and begin our breastfeeding journey.
Later that evening, Shepherd’s oxygen dropped again and his sugars were also low. The nurses took him to the NICU for oxygen support and recommended giving him formula with an SNS to help with his sugar levels. It felt like a punch in the gut and I was devastated. I am a firm believer that “fed is best”, but it was disappointing because it felt like our breastfeeding journey was over before it even had a real chance to begin.
Shepherd was discharged from the NICU the next day and I pumped around the clock and practiced latching both babies for every feed. I would scrape the pump flanges with a little spoon to try to collect every precious drop of colostrum expressed to give to the babies. The doctors recommended to keep Shepherd on the formula until my milk came in fully. After 3 days, my milk had still not come in and we made the difficult decision to give Eleanor formula as well to prevent her from losing too much weight. I learned from our lactation specialist that having a c-section can cause breast milk to come in later than expected due to the additional stress of the surgery and delayed initial skin to skin contact with babies.
Finally, on day 5 my milk came in. I was exclusively pumping as we were monitoring the babies weight gain and I pumped 3 oz the entire day. At this point, each baby was taking 1-2 oz per feed, which meant I would need to provide a minimum of 16 oz of breastmilk per day to feed both babies. I would still latch them and attempt to breastfeed at least once per day, but I was completely overwhelmed and became more and more discouraged each day as the babies were wanting more and more milk during feeds and it just seemed like my body could not keep up. One day when Eleanor was about a week and a half old, she refused to latch at all. In fact, she screamed when I brought her to the breast and pushed me away. I felt completely rejected and that my body had now not only failed me, but failed my baby girl who now preferred the bottle over her mama. I thought for sure our breastfeeding journey was over and it broke my heart.
We decided to see a lactation specialist twice a week through our pediatrician’s office. We worked hard on latching Eleanor and giving her positive associations at the breast. We introduced a nipple shield to help her feel more comfortable at the breast and to feel similar to what she was now used to with the bottle. Shepherd’s blood sugars finally returned to normal levels and the pediatrician gave us permission to take him off the formula and put him back on breast milk. He had a great latch and seemed to do well during weighted feeds. The pediatrician supported us to exclusively breastfeed Shepherd for 24 hours and bring him back for a weight check the following day to see how much he gained. He did so great, and I was elated to be able to breastfeed at least one of my babies.
Every feed I nursed Shepherd, offered to nurse Eleanor with a nipple shield for as long as she would tolerate it (usually only a few minutes before she would scream again), feed Eleanor a bottle of expressed milk or formula, and pump afterward to ensure my body would continue to produce milk for both babies. I was completely exhausted.
Little by little, I noticed my supply catch up to where I was no longer needing to supplement Eleanor with formula. In fact, I began being able to actually freeze and store breast milk, I was elated! Shepherd really took to nursing well and it was so sweet being able to breastfeed him. I still grieved that I didn’t have the same connection with Eleanor, and was determined not to give up on being able to nurse her. We continued seeing a lactation specialist every week and little by little, day by day, she began to take to nursing. We used the nipple shield for many weeks until one day, her sweet little hands just kept pulling it off and I felt brave enough to offer her the breast without the shield. I feared she would scream and push it away again, but this time, she decided to latch. Each feed she would stay at the breast a little bit longer and we would give her less and less of a bottle afterwards. Finally, after nearly three months, Eleanor was able to drop the bottle feed altogether and I was able to nurse her exclusively.
Breastfeeding is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. I am grateful for my sweet angel babies in heaven- it is because of them that I had the resilience and perseverance to keep pushing through the hard in the beginning of our breastfeeding journey. They have taught me how precious life is and they remind me every day of the strength and courage I have deep within me. I am so much stronger than I think I am, and I’ve learned that I have the courage and resilience to do hard things.
It is so sweet to see how far Eleanor has come and she now LOVES to nurse! One of my favorite things is when she will take a little break and just look at me with the biggest smile on her face with her two tiny teeth poking through before returning to the breast to continue to eat.
Today, breastfeeding is no longer a struggle or a challenge and is truly such a blessing and a sweet connection. It is precious to tandem feed them together and to watch them head to head, often looking at one another and holding each other’s hands. I am so grateful for our journey and can’t wait to see where breastfeeding continues to take us.
