Amelia's Journey of Breastfeeding and Supplementing
Our story this week comes from Amelia. Amelia had a great start to nursing her first child, but difficulties came soon after. While Amelia’s breastfeeding journey did not look like what she imagined, she did everything she could to provide as much as she could for her daughter!
From the minute I discovered I was pregnant, I looked forward to that moment. The moment when she comes into this world and is placed on my chest. I looked forward to creating that bond that my mother and I had through breastfeeding. She latched right away. It was so easy in the beginning. We were latching fine, eating, forming that bond. I pumped here and there to let daddy have the experience of feeding her. Her first two weeks were great. I was producing enough to store some milk in the freezer and to feed her. Then her pediatrician told me to supplement. Being the first time mother that I am, I listened. I figured we’d get her weight up with some formula and then we’d go back to exclusively breastfeeding. Wrong.
After supplementing my supply dropped. Then, the stress of not producing enough dropped my supply more. Then, when I thought my supply couldn’t drop any lower, my birth control knocked my output to only 3 oz in an entire day. I had breast tumors removed when I was a teenager. To make sure they didn’t come back in the future, the surgeon had to remove breast tissue. At 20, I had a reduction and skin removal after I had lost 112 pounds . I thought this all could be contributing factors to my low supply, and I was right.
My daughter is only 12 weeks old. I’ve spent close to $200 on teas, pills, herbs, drinks, and different size flanges for my pump. I eat oatmeal everyday because I read that it increases production. I drink 4-5 body armor drinks a day. I do the hot compresses, the massages, the deep breathing, the skin to skin. Nothing works.
I wanted so badly to exclusively breastfeed. I wanted so badly to nurse. I know fed is best, but I just wanted that bond with my daughter. Since losing her interest to latch, we’ve formed a bond in other ways. Dancing with her in my arms. Singing to her in the tub. Rocking her to sleep on my bare chest. Smiling together.
Our breastfeeding journey has been very rocky. I thought it would be so easy. It was easy for my mother, my grandmother, and my great grandmother. This is not what I expected at all. I’ve literally put my blood, sweat, and tears into it. Sore, cracked, bleeding nipples. Sweating while trying to get her to latch for 20 minutes. Crying after she wouldn’t latch. Crying when I realized formula would play a major part of her diet. Crying when I realized my body wasn’t enough to nurture my child.
I had just recently come to terms with the fact that I can only produce 4-6 oz a day when another obstacle came my way. In September I was about 15 weeks pregnant when I was in a car accident. The other driver is believed to have been under the influence. He totaled my car. We were rear ended trying to turn when he slammed into us at around 60mph. This resulted in us being pushed down a small embankment and into a wooden fence. I was the driver. My baby was confirmed perfectly fine after an ultrasound. But, I wasn’t. My neck and back suffered some injuries. I was pregnant until March. For six months my back was untreated because we couldn’t do an MRI or X Rays. I endured the pain everyday, some days worse than others. No pain medication or pain management because I was pregnant. Going untreated led to numbness in my right arm and fingers. My heels constantly felt like they were asleep - like pins and needles. Yesterday after finally receiving an X Ray, I was told the accident caused the curve in my lumbar spine to flatten and two of my discs were herniated. I can finally receive pain management through steroids. But, this means for sometime I will have to pump (the very little that I produce) and dump. I will continue to pump though, so when I’m off the steroids I can still give my baby girl some of my breast milk.
I was so angry at myself. I was so mad at my body. My body was made to have a baby and to nurture that baby. My body just won’t do it. Through all of this..every obstacle..my body fighting against itself, I still have not given up. I pump every two hours around the clock. I pump from 5am to 11pm. Yesterday, after 10 pumping sessions (200 minutes total) I produced 4 oz of milk. That’s one more oz than the day before. Four ounces..just enough for one feeding. So this morning my baby girl's first bottle was all me. My blood, sweat, and tears. 200 minutes of me. Four ounces of me. It’s very little to be proud of, but I am proud. My beautiful baby girl is healthy and happy. That’s all that matters to me.
What do you think about Amelia’s story? We think she has done (and is doing) an amazing job feeding her girls! Thanks for sharing!
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