Amanda's Breastfeeding Story: Adjusting When Things Don’t Go “As Planned”
This week’s story comes from Amanda. After a “perfect” pregnancy and going into labor on her due date, she ended up with an emergency cesarean section that threw a kink in her breastfeeding plans. Throw in some other complications that came up and she had to learn how to feed her baby in her not-so-perfectly planned way.
I pretty much had a "perfect" pregnancy. I followed my ovulation and we conceived on the first try. I was that annoying pregnant girl who seems to get off easy. I didn't get all of the horrible pregnancy symptoms you hear about. My doctor never had any concerns…until the birth. I went into labor at 2 in the afternoon on my daughter's due date. My water broke and the back labor started immediately. It was awful. Anyone who has experienced back labor can agree that it's like something out of a horror movie. Anyway, when we got to the hospital I was already 5cm dilated. Everything progressed smoothly until I got to 9cm…then everything stopped. My body could not dilate to 10 and my baby was stuck. My daughter, Renee, was brought into this world by emergency c section, which meant that I was unable to have the crucial skin-to-skin contact with her immediately after birth. This was not in my birth plan. Throughout my pregnancy, I imagined the beautiful moments of my baby finding the breast on her own and latching when she was ready to eat. Due to a uterine hemorrhage during the surgery though, the doctors had no choice but to knock me out. At this point, breastfeeding her on my own was off the table. After they stitched me up and I came back to my senses, my husband and I were then given the option of giving her formula or donor milk through a bottle for her very first feeding. We chose the donor milk because I went into motherhood wanting to exclusively breastfeed my baby. Although this was heartbreaking for me at the time, now we are extremely grateful for the moms out there who are willing to donate their extra milk to feed other babies who are in need of the nutrients. Those first couple of days in the hospital were very difficult. The nurses and lactation consultants tried all their tricks to help me get Renee to latch on. Nothing was working, it was painful, I was exhausted, and my baby was hungry. But, I was still determined to make it work.
After some other complications in the first few weeks of Renee's life including gallbladder removal surgery, and a three night hospital stay, I was ultimately unable to breastfeed her. I tried so incredibly hard to get her to latch. It just wasn't happening. I quickly learned that breastfeeding is a privilege. I didn't ever imagine that my own journey would be so difficult. I didn't realize how physically demanding and mentally exhausting it is just to feed your baby `naturally". From the outside looking in, it seems so easy. For me, it was anything but easy. Luckily though, I was able to pump and bottle feed. She took bottles like a champ from the start, so this worked well for us. I have spent countless hours over the past 7 months connected to a breast pump. Sometimes laughing, sometimes crying, but always grateful to produce milk for my tiny human.
The mom guilt I have with breastfeeding is so real, and has been for a while now, but I am so proud of myself for not giving up. And I'm thankful to my husband, family & friends for encouraging me the entire time. I am thankful that my body has been able to feed my baby girl for this long. I'm not done breastfeeding, but I just can't keep up with this hungry baby by myself anymore. Every woman's milk supply is different and it's taken some time, but I've learned that it's OKAY. A full baby is a happy baby, no matter where the source of nutrients comes from. I didn't ever want to give Renee formula because of the stigma that breast is best. While that might be scientifically true, the reality is that sometimes life isn't perfect, and supplementing formula when you need to is perfectly fine. I have a huge respect for other breastfeeding mothers and their special, unique journeys. Motherhood is hard, but it is beautiful and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
What do you think about Amanda’s story? We think she did an amazing job providing for Renee in the best possible way she could! Thanks for sharing Amanda!
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